What I'm Reading

I used to be a voracious reader. When I worked in college admissions, I lived within walking distance of my apartment and would spend my lunch breaks and after work consuming books. And then... at some point I stopped. After we moved, no longer living down the street from a library left me constantly accruing late fees and eventually the habit just died off. I was lucky if I got through a couple books per year. But at the beginning of this year, determined to turn things around, I bought myself a Kindle (with a gift card my dad gave me, thanks dad!). Originally, I had it in mind that I'd be able to read more on my long commutes to Brooklyn instead of spending that time working. Wishful thinking. Instead the Kindle sat.

And sat.

And sat. And collected dust.

For several months.

Until I finally went to the library and figured out how to download books to the thing (what can I say, I do things in my own time. Snail time.). As much as I love traditional books, this little device has made a huge impact on how much I read, and I find myself reading a few books per month now - yes! To me, reading has always played a key role in my self care, even before I knew what self care actually was. It's an escape, and especially these days, an escape form technology. Today I thought I'd share a few of my favorites from this summer's reading list.

Handcrafted Maine By Katy Kelleher & Greta Rybus
This book, you guys. For anyone thinking of moving to Maine, or from Maine and dreaming of going back (ahem...), this book will do it for you. Admittedly more of a coffee table book than one to curl up in bed with, Handcrafted Maine explores Maine's artists, artisans, and craftspeople in over 20 profiles. Some I was already familiar with, like Swans Island Company which I visited for Free People back in 2014, but many were new to me. I love exploring the incredible creative culture of my home state, and this book offered a beautiful glimpse into what it means to be a maker from Maine. Obviously, Zephyr recommends, too.

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
If you're curious to explore the WHY behind the things we do, read this. I love a book that explores human habits and what drives us, extra credit if it helps me explore my own habits and make positive changes in my life. To be honest, I was expecting this book to be super dry, but it was pleasantly easy to read without being too simplistic and kept be interested through to the end. It made me interested in reading Duhigg's other books and I've actually been thinking of buying a paperback version of this to keep handy. I feel like I need to re-read it!

Reckless: My Life as a Pretender By Chrissie Hynde
I just finished this book this week and it was... OK. I've been a huge fan of The Pretenders since I was a kid, thanks to my mom always playing their records and their general bad-assery, and I was excited to learn more about Chrissie, the lead singer, who I've also admired for about as long. However, it was a little... frenetic. Lots of details were glossed over, and mid-way through the book it becomes a name-dropping bonanza of, seemingly, all the big names in punk history. I'm glad I read it, as it gave a really unique take on that time in music history, but overall I wasn't blown away.

The Stranger in the Woods by Michael Finkel
Another book set in Maine, this book explore the true story of the last true hermit, Christopher Knight. An interesting read that began as a profile for Esquire, Finkel get a little obsessed with Knight's story of survival in the Maine woods (for over 20 years!), which only makes it more interesting. I highly recommend this book - it left me feeling conflicted about Knight, who survived so long on his own, but not without causing a huge amount of trash/pollution and committing the most cases of theft in recent history (over 1,000).

Hunger by Roxanne Gay
I just began reading this last night, and it's already made an impact. Gay's writing is beautiful and heart-wrenching, especially her description of her "before" and her "after" - specifically exploring the photographs taken by her mother. I'm looking forward to this one, and have a feeling it won't take me long to finish.

What are you reading these days? Anything to recommend? A few on my mile-long holds list from the library include: Final Girls by Riley Sager, The Rules Do Not Apply by Ariel Levy, and You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott.

5 Self Care Tips for Jobseekers (and Everyone Else Too)

Monday was one hell of a day. In fact, the whole beginning of August has been one hell of a... fortnight? Beyond the depressing political landscape and horrifying events in Charlottesville - which I know we're all feeling a lot of feelings about - I'm in the midst of a job search/attempting to figure out what it is I want to do with my life, it's a process that I didn't expect to be so emotional. But it is. While I've had arguably the best summer I've had in a few years, this time has also made it abundantly clear that I often put others above myself and allow outside factors to push me in directions I maybe don't want to go. Tuesday morning I awoke in my own bed after spending the weekend in Maine and New Hampshire, it was a tough weekend for a lot of reasons (among others: we were there to lay to rest Chris's 90-year-old grandfather), and with the weekend behind me it felt like a new start. Besides having to finish up a piece for Free People, I made the decision to spend the majority of the day mindfully focusing on what I needed right then and there. I rescheduled a meeting (not an interview, mind you, I wouldn't recommend rescheduling an interview), walked to the grocery store and restocked my smoothie ingredients, went to the gym mid-day, and did a little writing. It felt good to be on my own and getting back to the habits that make me feel my best, and in doing so, I felt ready to jump back into it on Wednesday. I've been trying to keep these points in mind as I approach my days, and not just jump right onto the computer as soon as I wake up:

Write it down
Shortly after my team and I were laid off, I had a conversation with my aunt where she recommended making a list of what would comprise my ideal job. Along with reading my mind - I'm really trying to view this time as an opportunity to be thoughtful about where I want to go - she also opened the door to a daily writing practice that I've been able to keep off and on over the past month and a half. I've mostly been bullet journaling and making lists, but even something as simple as list making helps to get the thoughts out of my head so I can stop obsessing (and maybe get some sleep). I try to take at least a few minutes each morning to write down a few thoughts and tend to keep my notebook on me throughout the day, especially if I'm out and about (and honestly, sometimes it's just two or three lines). Along with getting the thoughts from my head to the paper, writing has helped me stay present and identify my true feelings about where I want to go.

Do what makes you feel good*
Seriously. What do you love to do? Now do that. For me, this means getting back to a regular hiking practice and yoga classes. I'm not sure about you, but as soon as I get stressed out, the first thing to go is exercise, which, if you ask me, is also the worst thing to let go. If you enjoy exercise, make time for it and if you have to, force yourself to go (I never regret it, but sometimes I have to practically throw myself out of the house). If it's something else, do that. Two weekends ago Chris and I went up to the Poconos to hike Glen Okono Falls and it was a solid reminder to the two of us of what makes us both happy and, especially for me as I've been wrapped up obsessing over applications and fretting over cover letters, what I'm most passionate about. Yoga has been especially valuable these past few weeks, too. Rarely do I feel 100% present in my body than when I'm on the mat. Even if it's just once a week at the donation class I attend, or a few minutes in the morning, the simple act of breathing and moving thoughtfully gets me to focus on my body and out of the crazy storm happening in my head. Job searches can often make you feel as though money is the primary focus, and while yes, your salary is perhaps an important factor, ideally I think we'd all like to end up doing something we love, yes?

*Ideally these things take place away from technology

Invest in yourself - even if it's free
It can be easy to focus too much on money during this time, especially if you're the primary breadwinner, and in doing so, your self-care can quietly slip out the door because of presumed cost (getting your hair done, getting a pedicure, etc.). Don't do this! Even if it's just giving yourself an at-home pedicure, taking a few minutes or a few hours to focus entirely on yourself can make you feel so much better. On Tuesday, I made a simple body scrub out of some unappealing olive oil we bought recently and white sugar I don't use. Before heading to the gym, I combed coconut oil through the ends of my hair and wrapped it into a high bun to moisturize while I worked out. Later, after showering off and shampooing my now super soft hair, I used a self-tanner I already had in the cupboard, and later that night gave myself a pedicure using a polish I already owned. I spent no money, but I ended the day feeling 100% better than where I started. Your job search can feel isolating when you spend most of your day looking for jobs, networking, writing endless cover letters, and scrolling through LinkedIn, and it can be easy to get into your own head. A small investment in yourself, even if it's just washing your hair or painting your nails, can be the boost of self-esteem you need to power through your next round of cover letters.

Volunteer
Want to feel great for a good cause? Go volunteer. I began working with PAWS and United by Blue in Philly when I started working at Etsy because the company had a generous volunteer time initiative, and since leaving, I've continued the practice. Not only will this give you a reason to get out of the house for something other than networking, but you'll be doing good in your community (and maybe even secretly networking in the process - who knows who you'll meet!). Find a cause you want to support, then look for opportunities in your area. Want to get outside more? Do trail work for your local state park. Love animals? Walk dogs or do cat care at your local shelter. You've got the time, why not donate some of it?

Make plans - then stick to them
Seriously, get yourself out of the house. I tend to go to the gym in the evenings as a way to put a pin in the day, but a couple times a week (not counting the weekends) I try to meet up with a friend, take myself out for coffee (I'm currently doing a 'tour du Philly' of local cafes - so many cute spots!), or just do something different. it's easy to get wrapped up in the rabbit hole of jobs leads and networking, sometimes even just talking to someone you're close with (who is not your spouse, significant other, or parents) can give you the space and perspective you need and bring you back down to earth.

While it can be incredibly frustrating to suddenly be without a job - especially if you're a bit of a workaholic like me - this time you have is special, make the most of it when you're not hard at work applying to all the exciting opportunities out there. This is the lens I'm trying to view my own experience through, and believe the tips above are relevant not only to job seekers, but to all of us. It's easy to get wrapped up in the everyday, sometimes we need a reminder to take a step back and give a little of our focus to ourselves.

5 Ways to Be Kinder to Yourself in 2014

Sunrise in Maine on December 27th

You know that saying 'you're your own worst enemy'? I'm sick of being enemies with myself, I want to be friends. We're all guilty of beating ourselves up -- whether it's from time-to-time to all-the-time -- over whatever petty thing we might be hung up on, be it a bad habit, a past mistake, or a delusional body issue (I'm guilty of all three, if you're wondering).

This past holiday season, my stress level hit an all time high -- I found myself thrust, suddenly, into an exciting, but much more demanding role at work, and thus, seemingly, without any free time. My car broke down. The cat got sick. Chris's mom's house burned down. I had to purchase a last-minute plane ticket, at the airport. Among other things that I'd rather not talk about here, maybe eventually. And all that stress got the better of me, I was mentally beating myself on the daily about things real (work) and imagined (why does my neck hurt? It must be meningitis!) and stressing myself out, hardcore.

Coming out of that experience, a personal low in recent history, made me realize that I had to make some changes, not just for my sanity, but for the sanity of those around me. So, this year, I'm making some changes, and I thought I'd share a few things that have worked for me to quiet that inner critic, and become at least slightly better friends with myself. I'm not calling myself an expert, these are tings I'm working on right this minute, because I need to.

Read this. Read it again.
Read it, one more time, think about it every time you're tempted to criticize the body you were born with. Physically, I am generally very kind to my body (though I know I need more sleep) - I exercise it, feed it whole, good food in healthy amounts, use natural products to care for it, but mentally, I can be a total asshole. The things I'm guilty of saying to the reflection in the mirror are things I would never even think to say to a friend, a stranger on the street, anyone - so why is it OK for me to say those things to myself? This quote, for whatever reason, has helped quiet my inner mean girl. It just makes so much sense to me, and I've been repeating it until it sticks.

Invest in relationships
I'm guilty of being uncommunicative. I can blame any host of things - my job where I'm online 95% of the time, living far away from friends and family, blah, blah, blah. But, it's bullshit. When I was home for the holidays I was able to spend time with some of our best friends, and was reminded of just how wonderful the people around me are. And strengthening those relationships feels good, it gives me peace of mind, so why not work on it more?

Take a break from a bad habit
For like, 30 days. Bear with me (I know a lot of people roll their eyes at any mention of paleo or W30, but I have a point and it's not preachy, promise) - last fall Chris and I did the Whole 30 as a way to break some bad food habits (fun fact: I don't have a 'stop' button when it comes to sweets, even if they make me feel sick), the idea of the W30 is that it takes a minimum of 30 days to reset a craving/bad habit/etc. So at the start of this year, I applied that thinking to my spending habits, and boy am I learning a lot. This year I'm determined to make some changes financially, so not spending frivolously for 30 days is giving me some insight into where my money goes. I'm not sure what the next step is after 30 days, but I'll figure it out when I get there. I'm thinking maybe just thrift shopping and with a monthly limit? Anyone done something like this? What works?

Unplug. But like, really do it.
I've mentioned in many a monthly goal post how I want to unplug, but have I ever really succeeded? Not a chance. Like other habits, this one needed a crash course, and my mother's house offered that opportunity. No cell phone service, no internet, two TV channels. While, yes, I admit to checking and updating Instagram as soon as I got into a service area, it was refreshing to not be online at night and be able to really spend time with the people around me. My head felt clearer, my heart felt decongested. It's going to take some work to really apply this on a regular basis, but I'm getting there.

Get outside. Explore.
It's the season of hibernation, I want nothing more than to sit gloomily at my window and feel feelings. But, that does me absolutely no good, and I know that when it comes down to it, I'm a happier person after I've breathed in some fresh air and looked at the world around me. This past Sunday I went on a run - my first outdoor run in about five months - I went through the cemetery and up a street I've never seen before, and through another graveyard I've never explored before. And when I got back, I felt better. I want to invest less in things in 2014, I want to invest more in experiences. Day trips, hikes, etc.

I think it's important, for me at least, to remind myself that treating myself kindly doesn't automatically translate to treating myself (you know, like, to things?). It's these changes in habit and thinking that leave the most lasting impression, and those long-term changes are what matters.